I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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