Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
