can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Buhtt sex?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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