i just wanna soil my oats bro
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
