Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
