where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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