I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
