This is not my ceiling
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
