well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
