so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
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French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
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I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize