guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
