Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
