I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
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She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
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You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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