I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
