Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
