I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious