she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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