are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been