you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
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Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.