just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I feel like a drive thru vagina