I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
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can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
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I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible