just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
