This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
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I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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