Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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