you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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