the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize