I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
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It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
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It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...