I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...