Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail