And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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