Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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