That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
