I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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