he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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