The best revenge is premature balding
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
