I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
