He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
