When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
