Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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