I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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