How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
