I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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