I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
