Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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