i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
