Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
