i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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