well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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