i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How does one acquire holy water?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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