I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
