You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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