The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
