there's paper in my vomit.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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