Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
