I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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