Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
