The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
