How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
