you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I still have a little drunk in my system
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
