ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
