loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
