Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My penis needs a shock collar
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
