Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
