I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
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I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
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He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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