so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
