Screwed.edu
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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