yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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