PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
