chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
