i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
