It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
