He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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