M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
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You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
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we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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