Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
