Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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