the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
