it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
