if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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