just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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