; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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