I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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