he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
