i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
