Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
