I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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