WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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