I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
